Remembering Zeva!

I remember this day like it was yesterday, even though it was last summer and over 365 days ago. We were headed out for an epic afternoon — going back to the farm where my beautiful life began — to visit my first hooman mama Jenn and my fur-real mama Zeva. I know I won the puppy lottery starting my life with them. Not just because my Mama says so, but because I remember those days with such a full heart — filled with more love than you can imagine, fun farm adventures, toys and good food, and learning the impawtant lessons every new pup has to know. It had been a long time since I last visited Luxe Labradoodles. Parts of me were the same. Like my heart — still filled only with love. But now I was bigger and floofier, wiser and mostly braver. So, as we were driving along on the highway, the only worry that I had in my head was if my fur-real mama Zeva would remember who I was. My forever Mama promised me she would, but how did she know for sure? I wanted to believe her. I mostly did believe her. But there's a difference between mostly believing and somewhat believing, and I spent the whole car ride sitting in that gap. The closer we got, the more mixed up I was feeling. One minute I was excited, the next beyond nervous. But as we turned off the highway and into Jenn's neighborhood, and Mama opened all the windows, my brain started calming down as it became flooded with familiar and wonderful smells. I recognized Jenn’s house the minute we pulled up.

As soon as I jumped out of the car, my legs took off like a rocketship to see if Jenn and Zeva were already in the field waiting to play. My paws remembered the feel of the soft green grass, my nose the smell of the hay and the fresh, clean air. But they weren't there yet, So, I sat at the gate to the field waiting for them to come out. And then two familiar scents found my nose — mama Jenn and mama Zeva — they right behind me! Paws down I knew they were. The scent of my first-ever Mamas was locked inside me so tightly I could never forget. I spun around so fast my ears barely caught up with my face. And I then I froze!

I thought my heart would explode seeing the smile on Jenn’s face and hearing that unforgettable kindness in her voice as she said hello to me — a voice that had always comforted and encouraged me when I was just a tiny pup. But what about Zeva? Had she figured it out yet? She looked really happy standing next to Jenn, but was that because she knew it was me or because she could sense a fun time ahead? I wasn't sure what to do next.

But Jenn had my tail as always and gestured for me to come over to her and Zeva. My heart was pounding so hard as my paws trotted towards them, unable to take my eyes off my beautiful fur-real Mama. And then I just nudged myself against her, and as soon as her nose was able to press deeply into my fur, her tail started wagging from side to side. And now when I looked back into her eyes, I could tell she knew exactly who I was — her baby boy, Heartly from the Love Litter—the last litter she ever had.

As always, Mama was right; of course she remembered me, and just like that, it was like no time had passed since I saw her last. We had the best afternoon you could imagine. We ran up and down, from one end of the field to the other. We chased balls and visited the horses, but just for a minute — because I still found them a little scary because they were so big. We ate pawsome treats and drank loads of water. Best of all was when we just lay side by side, resting, content and so happy to be together. Of course, I got loads of love and cuddles from Jenn, which were even better than I remembered.

I never wanted the afternoon to end — surrounded by more love than I could ever have wished for. But eventually, it was time to leave. Half of my heart felt blissfully happy, but the other half felt heavy and sad because we had to say goodbye. As Mama drove off, I stuck my head as far out the window as I possibly could so I could see Jenn and Zeva for as long as my eyes would let me — standing at the gate of the farm where my life had begun over eight years ago.

Then Mama turned the corner, and they were gone. I snuggled up into my car seat and fell right asleep. And that night, as I dozed off on Mama’s bed, I could still smell the farm, and Jenn, and of course my fur-real mama Zeva. It felt like she was still there, right beside me, and I knew I would have the sweetest and happiest dreams that night.

But back to reality and the devastating news Jenn had to share with us a few months ago. Zeva is gone. Not just her smell but her body as well. She passed away and our hearts are all still broken.

But two things comfort me and help keep me strong when sadness overwhelms me and I remember that there won’t be any more days on the farm with my fur-real Mama like I had last summer. One is all my countless precious memories of my life with Zeva and two is knowing a part of her soul is a part of mine too, which means we will always be connected, forever and forever.

I want to make sure I honor her legacy and how special she was by being the absolute best pup I can be. It matters to me that whenever she looks down to check in on me, she can be proud to point me out and tell all the other dogs in doggy heaven that I’m her little boy, her Heartly, who’s now also known as Toffy and Floof.

So this month, Toffy's Dog Blog is dedicated to the memory of my dear and loving fur-real mama Zeva! Toffy xoxo #lifewithtoffy #toffysdogblog #thinkliketoffy

PS! If you liked this edition of Toffy's Dog Blog, please share it with your friends and family and help me share my message to live*love*play!