Epic Can Be Quiet

It's 2026 and Mama and I are finally home. Together! Three weeks was a very long time to be apart — each of us having our own very separate vacation on opposite sides of the world. 

But that was last year. And now it's a new year. And life is exactly as it should be. Except it wasn’t quite as it needed to be, because I was feeling a little out of sorts.

Why?

Because I didn’t have an epic plan for 2026, like Mama and even most of the neighborhood dogs. And I love having epic plans in my super smart and floofy head. I’ve always had an epic plan and a trail I was focused on. And I wanted something special for this year too.

But nothing had jumped into my very smart and floofy head yet that moved me – that made my tail start wagging, and my heart start thumping more than usual — and I'd already been thinking about this for quite some time — and that’s why I was feeling kind of lost — like when I follow a trail when I'm out walking with Mama, and then all of a sudden it just stops, and there's nothing. And I don't know which direction to go next.

That’s exactly how I was feeling.

And seeing Mama on a mission, preparing for her epic plan to gain quick traction, made me feel worse about not having mine, even though I was super happy for Mama that she had hers.

And I knew she had an epic plan! I wasn’t just guessing! Three pieces of evidence were all that was needed to confirm this truth. 1. Constant activity that had been happening all day, all around the house — going from room to room and making our very neat and organized house even more organized. Things were being tossed at a rapid pace, and shelves already well arranged, rearranged.That’s how I knew her plan must be epic. It required reorganizing the organized.

2. The number of colored markers on her desk, waiting next to her brand-new 2026 planner to be put to good use.

3. The very specific and focused look on her face that said: Mama on a mission. Approach with care.

Can you believe this?  My intention of being a calm and focused Chief Supervising Officer flew down the stairs and who remained was someone both angry and mad, on top of already feeling a lot lost and increasingly frustrated. That’s a lot of emotion for one little doodle to manage himself. But as I opened my mouth to bark loudly at Mama and say this was not okay, I saw something that made everything in me, including my bark, freeze in an instant.

There in plain sight — and impawsible to miss was my bright red service dog training vest. An instant reminder of an epic plan and goal I'd told everyone about, but had then walked away from and hadn't talked about since. There was my solution! I could make this my epic plan for 2026.  You'd think my paws would have been rushing to hug my Mama, my tail wagging so fast I could have knocked myself over, my tummy full of excitement and my super smart brain already thinking of how to get back on the trail of my service dog training plan.  But that didn't happen. Instead, my paws stuck like glue to the floor, my tail stopped mid-wag, my tummy felt like an empty pit. And my brain was stuck in a loop thinking about if I was going to choose this as my epic plan for 2026 when my paws and my tail and even my tummy were saying this probably wasn’t my trail. Was I going to go back to this goal only because I thought I didn't have anything better? Or because even though I’d be going backward, everyone would still think it was an epic plan because not every dog even gets to just train like a real service dog? What if I chose this because everyone I knew already their plan — including most of the neighborhood dogs — and I knew this was true because I'd heard them barking about it, and I could also tell by the look of their very confident tails.

No wonder my paws were stuck like glue to the floor, my tail stopped mid-wag, my tummy felt like an empty pit - my brain was in a panic. My head and heart were fighting so hard against each other, and I was red-hot mad. At both me and my Mama! Why hadn’t I just stayed in Zen Den and let Mama do her thing?Why did I have to appoint myself Chief Supervising Officer and walk straight into this mess?And why didn’t Mama stay out of my pawsonal cupboard that didn’t any reorganizing – not even one shelf. Then none of this would be happening right now.

And as I stood glued to the floor in a state of confusion and heart-wrenching emotion, suddenly Mama looked up. And saw me. Frozen. Wide-eyed and clearly in somewhat of a daze. But she didn’t just see me. She felt my soul and my heart and immediately came and scooped me up. Put me in her lap. And held me extra tight.

No words. No planning. No colored markers. Just stillness. And loads of love.

And in that quiet space and the safety of Mama's embrace, my heart slowed down, my head calmed down, and everything I’d been struggling against, most without even knowing, became as clear as the treats Mama now had in her hand.

My embarrassment about not achieving an epic, big goal that I'd set and publicly declared, which reappeared when I saw my service dog training vest, began to dissolve. The part of me that judged me for this started to quieten. And as my truth started to become louder and louder, I was finally able to allow myself to see what I’d been trying to hide — that I wasn't feeling lost about what to focus on next because I didn't have an epic plan inside of me for 2026. I was lost for the courage to share the epic plan I felt in my heart, because I thought it wouldn't look epic to Mama or all the other neighborhood dogs. And that's when I also remembered one of the most impawtant things I'd ever heard my very smart Mama say: it's not what other people see and think that makes a dream epic and grand and worthy of pursuing, it's how much it fills your heart and helps you become even better than you already are. And if we don't pick what fills our heart, what we're doing will mostly feel wrong, and we'll lose its trail, even if everyone watching thinks it looks exactly right. That’s what nearly happened to me. But as my truth became louder, I felt my courage becoming stronger. And I shared with my Mama what my epic plan was — not for a month or 6 or even for 2026 but for as long as it made sense for me to do.

I wanted to focus on being the very best Floof I could be in the things I already do — one paw at a time. I want to be the Floof that Mama can count on. All the time. The same way I can count on her. All the time. I want to raise the paw on the standards I have. I don't want to conveniently go deaf every time Mama asks me to do something I'd rather not — making every single bit of my hearing. Gone.

And I don't want to keep choosing to launch myself at the people I love when I know — and they know — that I'm fully capable of sitting and saying hello like the well-mannered, certified, therapy-dog I am. Not because I should, not because it's January and everyone has a plan and I feel the pressure to have one too. But because being away from Mama when each of us had our own very separate vacation on opposite sides of the world, it made me see what matters most to me, and that's paws down, my Mama, and also how I feel about myself. So I didn’t have nothing. I had an epic and deeply meaningful plan to be the best I can be, better than I've ever been, and better than I think is possible to be. And I'm no longer worried about what the neighborhood dogs might say or think. Because they aren't me. I am me.

I stayed in Mama's lap for a long time that day. My tail wagging — not knock me down, side to side faster and faster wagging —  just slow. And steady. The kind of wag that knows exactly where it's going and doesn't need an epic and big sign to announce it. What I don't know for a fact — but every part of me, from the tip of my nose to the tip of my tail, believes — is that if I stay true to what is epic for me, I will achieve epic things. Things I can't even imagine yet.  I'm pawsitively certain of this. What about you? What's the epic thing living quietly inside YOUR very smart head that deserves to be heard?

Toffy xoxo

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